It's rather amazing. Somedays I will randomly think of a book I read ages ago, and the mere memory of it takes me back to that exact day. I can remember quite vivdly the way the sunlight shown through my window, exactly what page I was, how I was feeling, the smell of the wind, how sad I was when I finished the book, how happy I was that I had even discovered this book. I love these kinds of memories. They make me so happy. The smell of my favorite perfume at the time also makes me remember amazing things. Like how hot it was while I read Airborn. Or how cold it was when I read Tithe. I love remembering random memories.
 I have this constant fear of losing my memories, I am so scared of getting Alzheimers in my old age. I think I could deal with cancer, any other kind of disease really, but the thought of losing my memories terrifies me. I don't want to forget how it felt when I read A Crack In the Line when I was 15. I don't want to forget how hard I cried when I finished The Sandman. I don't want to forget how hard I laughed while reading Howl's Moving Castle. I don't want to forget how magical it was the first time I read Harry Potter. I look forward to making new memories, but I am so afraid that I will forget my old ones.

Presenting Lenore is having a contest to win Liar, Shiver, and Cathcing Fire, to enter go here! http://presentinglenore.blogspot.com/2009/06/bea-saturday-highlights-3-book-prize.html

So, the other month lauren_myracleasked me to do some fancy schmancy stuff for her, and I consented because she is made of awesome and I cannot deny awesomeness. And then she offered to pay me in books, and asked what I wanted so I told her to surprise me, because surprises are so much better than getting what you asked for. And so after weeks of checking the front porch I finally got my present, I also got pinched in the process, I just noticed, it's actually quite nasty looking, and right below my vein, now I'm wondering what happens when you pinch a vein, or is it artery? Off topic. So here are pictures of me and the package and a really big knife (it was the first sharp object I could find.)











Bliss is signed!





Left to right, top to bottom: Let It Snow, Before I Die, The Queen of Cool, Silver Bough,
The Hunger Games, A Brief Chapter In My Impossible Life, The Year We Disappeared, Bliss,
Wildwood Dancing, and Sucks To Be Me.

I've heard great things about all of these books, and I am incredibly excited!

Thank you so much Lauren!!!!!!!!!! I love you!

And I like who I am, but sometimes I wanna pretend I'm something I'm not. Sometimes I wanna dress like a hippie just because I think it looks cool for a second, other times I wanna be a punk, or goth, or a metal head. An in some respects I am every single one of those things, considering the people I grew up around and those that raised me. But I made a decision eons ago that I would dress "normal", or as nondescript as possible, jeans and a plain shirt, because I got sick of people looking and judging. I don't want people thinking I'm weird because of the way I dress. If you're gonna call me weird, call me weird because I act funny, say weird things, talk differently, or listen to all types of music but don't have a preference. Not because I dress funny. And yet I still wanna dress up like a goth on random occasions. Pretend I'm thirteen again. Is this normal?

I volunteer for this non-profit organisation that helps people who are HIV+ or have AIDS. I love working here, if I wasn't 100% positive that my destiny is to be a librarian I would be a social worker. Working here has taught me a lot of things, mainly how to be tolerant, especially with the people who not only have the virus but also have mental disabilities like schizophrenia. I have also learned how the virus is contracted, how it destroys the body, and it's almost never the women's fault they have it or gave it. Huge misconception. It is actually a little more difficult for a woman to give it to a man through sex than it is for him to give it to her.

Anyway, here,where I work,most of the people that have it are older people. I'm not saying that these older people are the skanky ones, even though I have heard stories ;), but it's my belief that people are hopefully a little more educated now than they used to be.

Older people are skanky because of Viagra. Yes, senior citizens have been contracting the virus because of Viagra. Not only have they been getting infected with HIV but other venereal diseases as well. I know it's wrong but it kind of makes me giggle.

Mimi, that was before HPTOTP. That was way better, they cut some of my favorite scenes out of it, but still the best and it is also my favorite book. And, really, I think of the books and movies critically because I have read so many god damn books that I know which books are good because of the story/plot or because the author is an exceptional writer. The same with movies. I may not watch TV often, but I watch way too many movies, both good and bad, and I believe that although the HP movies are awesome, they are only awesome for what they are. Those kids really need to work on their acting, they are much better, but still need practice. In the grand scheme of things those movies are NOT on my all time favorite list of movies, I'm not even sure if the books are on my all time favorite list of books. But I do love them, and I am not biased in how well they are executed so long as they stay true to the plot line and don't incorporate weird shit like talking shrunken heads, and the kids have improved their acting since the last movie, and that's were HPTPOA failed me as a movie, therefore ruining my love for the book. Which is why I loved the 4th movie; it was a hell of a lot better than the 3rd one, and the kids were better at acting, it was as if the 3rd one had never happened and the director had taken his right to leave his imprint but not ruining it like Alfonso Cuarón did in the 3rd one, I didn't get the feeling that he was afraid of making the fans angry like the first two, or that he didn't care what the fans thought like the 3rd one.

Does this make sense to you? And I know you won't agree with me, but at least you now understand my opinion. I am by no means an avid fan, unless you consider being able to look at the books and movies from an artistic point of view rather than an un-swaying follower of the books since she was 9.

Yeah,it was awesome. I got about 16 books in exchange for 23 paperbacks, including Ink Heart, in hardcover! I almost didn't get it though because Sam got to it before I did. I saw it laying on the table but it didn't register to my brain. Then I realized what I had seen right when Sam picked it up. I believe the only reason she decided to keep it at the time was because I really wanted it. She was just being mean. But then a little girl came in with a paperback copy and I somehow managed to convince Sam to trade! YAY! *Happy Dance*

Then Dom cam to pick me up, she got a book too, I gave The Silver Kiss because apparently the ho has never read it. Which completely shocked me. Dom is all knowing when it comes to vampire books. So we went to the 99 cent store and she bought me chocolate! Then at her house we ate chips and dip, CORRECTION! she ate chips and dip, I ate Cheese It's and dip, and soda. Then we went swimming! Cuz it was ridiculously hot. She taught me how to properly do the froggy stroke. And THEN...I saw Dom's ass, no, not her pet donkey, her buttocks. We couldn't stop laughing! It was just SO unexpected! She does have a nice butt, though. Tub-Tub and I played Guitar Hero and I totally pwned his ass! Yeah and I was only on medium, and I can only play on the controller. Then we had TACOS! Yum!

Yesterday was Marie's wedding. It was FUN! Except for the part where everyone was crying because apparently no one ever thought she would actually get married. Which I though was ridiculous because Marie's always wanted to be the stay at home type. She's only ever wanted a kid and a husband. So I never doubted her. But because she went about it in a statistical manner and 'skrewed' up her life, as my mother would say, apparently she was doomed to be the statistical high school drop out single mother. But she's not. She's Marie and she will crush all your hopes and dreams and expectations about her, and then prove you WRONG! Because she's Marie, and she's mah cousin and she's a CHAPMAN!

I digress, we ate a lot mostly, on my behalf, salami and cream cheese and deviled eggs, and about 6 or 7 Sprites. Which my system is so not used to. Especially all that damned sugar. Marie's wedding march was not the traditional wedding march, it was So Happy Together-The Turtles. Our uncle Clyde married Marie and Mike, they had their own vows, blah blah blah. The funnier stuff was when I walked out and surreptitiously grabbed her ass and she thought that Uncle Clyde had done she had a crisis off conscience. She was afraid of what she'd have to tell Aunt Tammi. Then she saw me laughing. And realized what a bitch I am, and we laughed some. We blew bubbles! Marlin took pictures and we got into a sort of argument about the fact that although I remember Lizbeth, Priscilla, Meme, and of course Catalina, I do not remember Marlin. See, Lizbeth is Marie's oldest friend, since about the age of five and whoever Marie is friends with so am I. And I remember Lizbeth and her little sister and little brother and mother (how could I forget Catalina? Seriously? she makes the best tamales EVER!), but I do not remember her older brother Marlin. At least there are no memories of him up until my 13 summer. He said he remembers me because every summer I would come down from Oregon and everyone would make a big deal out of it. I swear there is not a single memory of him in my brain. So we laughed about that.

Nana pulled out all her jewelery and we started saying which ones we wanted and she said to put post-its on them and we'd get them when she died, I laughed, but everyone got annoyed because apparently it's wrong to think of death, especially when it relates to your sick Nana. But Nana doesn't care, and she knows I love her more than she loves me. Nana, I want the Italian Horn!

When it was time to go I smeared cake all over Marlin and he got some in my ear and upset my tympanic membrane. Then I grabbed his butt and Catalina grabbed mine and Priscilla grabbed my Annie's tits, so I grabbed Catalina's, and the injustice continued until we hugged goodbye, at least I though it was good bye, but then Marlin grabbed my ass! I was so shocked! I've never been manhandled by anyone other than my family and my friends, Ok, Marlin practically is family, but I was still caught off guard, and definitely my friend after yesterday. But still, not even Tub-Tub caught me off guard the first time he poked my tit because he'd lost at Guitar Hero, but that's Tub-Tub, Dom's not so little little brother. Anyway he ran away before I could grab his ass. And Poppa laughed at me when I came and complained at him. Huh, talk about paternal responsibilities.

THEN! On the drive home, on the freeway, a car spun out and off from one of those twisty on ramps and on to the first two lanes of the freeway. My aunt Tammi must be one of the best drivers in the world because she manged to change lanes IMMEDIATELY to the last lane, then she pulled over because I think she almost had heart attack. I don't blame her, I squished the lasagna. We are so lucky the guy stopped when he did and she changed lanes so rapidly and that there was hardly any traffic. And we were on the 71. That guy looked so scared too.

I got a call back from Office Max. I get to take a dug test! YES! *HAPPY DANCES*

She said that after Andrew's ceremony we would go to The Silver Dollar Pancake House. We didn't. When I asked her about it she laughed and said that she was being sarcastic when she said that to me. Then she forced me to go to work with her.

But I met Debbie. And she is made of awesome. And now I am her intern.

I ate three doughnuts and a very small cup of coffee. Then I got sick because not only am I allergic to coffee, but I am milktose intolerant and I always put coffee into my milk.

Then I had to watch the little ones. Little ones are crazy! First #4 decides she's gonna walk for the first time because she wants my glasses and the wind-chimes I am hiding from her because they intesify my migraine, so everyone cheers her on, then falls on her face and stares at me as if my reaction is going to determine hers (I only met #4 today, by the way), so I laughed. Then she smiled at me and my heart broke. She only has two teeth and on the bottom. My heart broke because she is so cute and her family is in a bad way. Children should never have to go through the crap their parents subject them too, even if unwittingly. Then #3 started screaming because someone took her toy phone away, so I had to take her outside. There we were, white hispanic near adult and 2-3 year old mixed black child. #3 screamed her head off until she realised that I was gonna wait until the end of time for her to stop screaming, so she stopped and started sucking her thumb, so I did too. She giggled and tried to make me stop so I tried to make her stop, she screamed and so did I. Then we went back inside to the blessed air conditioning. #4 had fallen asleep, but #'s 1 & 2 had eaten doughnuts also, The Fat One had eaten six doughnuts. 0_0 I can't even do that. So they were all running around screaming their heads off, locking each other in the mini-conference room. I was skerred. Then Mari's Look Alike, who was with The Fat One, said they should all just play in the mini conference area while the adults filled out their paperwork. Thank Fred for Mari's Look Alike. Then they went home and I kissed #4 goodbye cuz she's a cutie pie.

It's all jokez now with my Mommy though, she bought me Gus Jr.s.

I'm all tired and stuff now.

I had an interview with Office Max today and it didn't go too horribly wrong like the one with New York & Company. As it is I would rather work with Office Max than NY&C. Office Max is a hell of a lot more laid back than NY&C. I also applied at Turner's Outdoorsman: Guns, Ammo, and Fishing.

Tomorrow my brother 'graduates' from Jr. High. After the ceremony we get to go to The Silver Dollar Pancake House! Lucky bastard. After my ceremony we only went to Hometowm Buffet.

For some reason my body has decided that I am now allergic to dairy. Whenever I eat my stomach feels horrible and then I feel the need to eat more, which does not help matters because my house is only filled with dairy products or foods with dairy products and I am reall really hungry. I want a smoothie, but most smoothies come with yoghurt.

I hate my life

So, I know this is way late, but I went to BEA on May 30th, and it was AWESOME!

After the initial mayhem of where it was exactly that Julienne and I were supposed to check in, the first palce we went to was Hall H (I'm really not quite sure about this, actually. It was upstairs though. And the first thing I saw was this:



I squealed a little and said "Look! John Green!" J. of course thought I meant the person John Green. But then she saw what I was pointing at and we took a picture. And then, to the immediate left, stacked up against the adjacent wall there were ARCs of Paper Towns! I nearly died. So I took one.





I was really happy.

But then we went downstairs. And do you know what was downstairs? Author signing. And I met many awesome authors over the course of the day. Starting with Richelle Mead. She was ridiculously tiny and cute and really sweet.



Then I met Melissa Marr! She is way younger than I thought she was. And jokez! Really jokez! Well, what can you expect from someone who writes about Faery?


The bodyguard in the backround wasn't happy with my vociferous display of affetcion.

I met Ellen Hopkins but didn't take a picture with her. She was signing ARCs of Impulse and since my friends Jessika and DannyBear like her more than I do I asked her to sign the ARC to them. Meanwhile, though, J. took sneaky photos of Neil Gaiman for me because he was like two or three booths down from us. We would have gone to meet him, but that was a ticketed signing for The Graveyard Book.




See the lady with long black hair in the backround, with the tattoos around her wrist, and sunglasses on her head? I love her.

I also met Frank Beddor. He was fawesome. And gives great hugs. If you ever meet him I urge you to hug him, but ask him first, you don't wanna seem like a weirdo.


I look a little too happy in this picture.

I saw this jokez ass-poster:



Cornelia Funke was there on Saturday. Alas! I was only there Friday. But that still wasn't enough to bum me out. Especially when I met this dude. He is perpetually bummed out. His perpetual bummed out-ness made me really happy. I bask in the pain of others.



In the Anime/Manga section we met this really awesome guy from Broccoli who looked like a real live version of HOWL!!!!!!!! You know, from Howl's Moving Castle. Except with really really long hair, longer than mine! But that's really not saying much. He was HOTT!

That was on the way back upstairs to meet Cecil Castelucci at the DC "booth" (seriously, some of those "booths" were huge! not booths, sections!), who is also ridiculously cute and tiny, really tiny! I love her!



And while we were up there we got swag. Lotsa swag.

And I took this picture for Audri-la:


Back upstairs, where we got the copies of Paper Towns we met Aaron/Erin and a very pretty short Asian lady, Penguin people, they works with Penguin (they told us John Green was gonna be there but he has a busy schedule, what with being a Nerdfighter and all), but I don't remember what exactly they do. They loved me. They thought I was full of enthusiam and wished more people were as enthusiastic as me. And J. agreed, and said I reminded her of what she was like when she was my age, which is pretty gosh darned awesome cuz I love J. and want to be like her. She is my Librarian role model. Then she said she was glad she brought me along because she wouldn't have talked to as many people without me. YAY! Well, a couple minutes later J. said "Oh, look, it's the misogynistic one." Which was code for T.A. Barron (See, J. doesn't like him because in one of his novels the only two girls get threatened with rape within the frist 20 pages or so, she even told him as much, I think). I've loved him since I was ten. Do you know what it's like to meet a man whose work you've loved for 8 years? It's dreamtastic. I nearly cried. Yes. It's like meeting Winnie th Pooh when you're two. Scary but awesome, in the literal sense of the word, I was in awe. And he signed my book for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *SQUEES*


He hugged me like, three different time!

After that we got lunch, I think, then we wandered around for a while. Collecting more swag. I looked for Bloomsbury's booth because I was hoping that they had an ARC of How To Ditch Your Fairy. But I couldn't find them, which severly disappointed me, especially because Bloomsbury is so big. But then a couple of days ago I found out on Justine's site that they were there! And they handed out over 200 ARCs!!!!! I'm still a little angry about this.

At around 2:50 I realized I was gonna miss Sherman Alexie. I practically ran there. I found his booth, met him and felt generally happy, because I loved The Absolutley True Diary of a Part-Time Indian.


Do you see how wide my eyes are? I was ENTHRALLED.

So, because I was in such a hurry I left J. behind, we had agreed to meet at M.T. Anderson's booth, so there would be no worries of me getting lost. At Anderson's booth I remembered that Neil Gaiman was supposed to be there again from 2 to 3. It was about 2:58. I checked the Wall of Author's and Their Booths and Times. I went to the booth. It was chained off. So...

"Was this where Neil Gaiman was signing?" me with pouty face.

"Yeah, it's almost over. But if you go down that one it'll look like you're going to the other guys signing," says Fabulously Fantastically Awesome Black Woman.

So I did.

"Do you want a book singed?" says lady with long black hair and tattoos around her wrist, and sunglasses on her head.

"yes," That's me squeaking. I was so nervous.

And HE signed my book! I nearly cried again. Then I somehow managed to say this: Can I take a picture with you and Gris Grimly?
HE SAID YES!

See the lady to the left? She's happy for me. The lady to the right on the other hand...well she couldn't care less.

When I left, the Fabulously Fantastically Awesome Black Woman asked me if I got to meet HIM. I hugged her. Wherever you are Fabulously Fantastically Awesome Black Woman, I love you.

So I went back to Anderson's line. J. had been looking for me. I saw her and started jumping up and down, lady* one people down from me waved at her too. Apparenly J. had asked her* to keep an eye out for me. So then we started talking to Girl in Orange Shirt Who Is Studying To Be A YA Librarian In San Jose. Then I noticed the lady* again. And I noticed her badge (we all had badges saying we had payed or whatever to be there). It said Kelly Link. But just because something says one thing does not mean it is that thing. So this converstaion with ERIC(he lives in my head)ensued:

ME: Is that Kelly Link?

ERIC: No.

ME: But her badge says "Kelly Link".

ERIC: She's probably just part of her entourage.

Me: I'm gonna ask.

ERIC: NO! You'll make a fool of yourself.

ME: Who cares?

ERIC: *The Look*

ME: Fine, first I'll ask Girl in Orange Shirt Who Is Studying To Be A YA Librarian In San Jose. Then I'll ask her*.

"isthatkellylink?" I super fast tried to whisper.

"Um, I don't know, ask her," Says Girl in Orange Shirt Who Is Studying To Be A YA Librarian In San Jose.

"Umm, excuse me, are you Kelly Link?" me, beginning to hyperventilate (Actually I still breathe a little funny when I think of this moment in my life).

"Yeah, I am," she had the audacity to say this a little sheepishly!

ME: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! I LOVE YOU!

Yes, I squealed like a little piggy at one of my favorite authors.

We talked, even though she at first seemed a little alaramed at me. See, she's isn't that popular with my demographic because she usually only writes short stories. She refered me to Gwenda Bond for more YA books. Then told me that if I went upstairs to her booth, Small Beer Press, I might be able to get one or to of her books, just ask for Gavan, her husband. Then we took a picture together:

Do you see how happy I am? I am ridiculously happy. It should be illegal to be so happy. If it were, I'd be in prison for life. Meeting Kelly Link was the highlight of my day, NO! My LIFE!

Then I met M.T. Anderson:

He is way jokez. Not just because he is an awesome writer but because he is friends with John Green. I actually got a little angry with him for not knowing Nerdfighter lingo.

The we went upstairs one last time. There was general mayhem as I tried to find the Small Beer Press booth, but I did, and they gave me a copy (hardcover) of Magic for Beginners, and we said hi to Cecil Castelucci again. But they didn't have Pretty Monsters. That was back with Penguin. So we went there and explained my predicament to another wonderful Penguin lady, who understood my plight and gave me an ARC of Pretty Monsters. Then J. met her favorite author.

The last really jokez person I met was this guy who goes to different cons with his wife and gets famous artists to sketch in his book for him. We shall call him Stan Lee because he was just as awesome.



He said that based on the ones I Ooohed and Aaahed over I had good taste and should go to ComiCon.

Here's all the swag I got.



My day was awesome.

I am so happy! I new he was gonna win! YEAH! I told my brother when this season began that Christian would win, and he DID!

When I found out Heath Ledger had died I was really sad. I'm not saying this to follow a trend, but because it's true, I loved him when I first saw 'Ten Things I Hate About You' when it first came out, I must've been about 9 or 10, but I loved him. I loved him in 'The Patriot', and I loved him in 'A Knight's Tale'. But, a couple of months before, I mean in September, when I found out Madeleine L' Engle had died, I burst into tears right hear at this laptop. I mean I was a mess! Snot and tears dripping down my face, messing with this computer. I was incredibly depressed, and I had no right to be because she was old and it was her time, but still...Whereas when I heard Ledger had died, I was sad, but for his family. And then the next day my friend burst in to tears, and all I could think was "how ridiculous can you be?", only just now has it dawned on me that I did the same exact thing, but in the privacy of my own home! So, am I a horrible person?

I have had alot of really close friends, but none really as Awesome as Dominique. I don't know why, but she has really changed the way I view life and people. And I really miss getting her angry with me. It was always a good day when she yelled at me at least once. To me it meant that she cared enough to yell at me. And now that I can only talk to her once a week most of my days are really bleak. I miss her more than I miss Ileana, more than Bethany, more than Austin. More than half, no all, the kids I grew up with in Eugene. She really is my best friend, not only that but she's my closest friend, She evens knows about ERIC. Most of my friends think he's a real person, but he's not, and I love that I can tell Dom about the stupid, or incredibly intelligent, things he says. And I know I can do this because she has Jackal. You may wonder why Dom is Awesome. That is one of those things I can't really put into words. You can hang out with her for 2 months and not notice this Awesomeness until one day she says she's waiting for New Moon to come in the mail and have you ever heard of Stephenie Meyer? And you realize that if it weren't for her you might have sunk even deeper into that depression that began once Beth graduated, and you realize a couple months later that she's an even closer friend than Beth was, and you can't believe how much of an idiot you are for making a new friend who is older than you again, and now you're gonna have to brave you're senior year without your best friend because no one can be lucky enough to find a new best friend every new school year. And I was right. FRED DAMN IT! Audri may be my cool new friend but she is not Beth, and neither is she Dom. And I just wish I could see Dom again, and have another super cool Vampire Sleepover Party where we pig out on pizza and watch vamp movies all day and night (I'll fall asleep sometime around 1am and take the big couch thus killing that rule that says you should always argue over who gets the big couch, and one of the girls will try to wake me up by screaming because they found a huge spider in the hall, but because I am a champion sleeper I won't notice any of this till breakfast at noon), or go to Disney land instead of prom and take pictures like a Japanese tourist. I really miss chillaxing with Dom and it's kinda shocking to think that I haven't seen her since the premier of Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix, and it really hurts to think that I prolly won't see her anytime soon. MAN! I really love Dom.